I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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