god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
