there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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