I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
