it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
