I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
