Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
