I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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