Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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