ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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