we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
