be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
