So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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