omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
