Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
