we're blogging at a bar
I just threw up on my dentist
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
