11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
