I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
