In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
