Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
