Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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