It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
