i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
