I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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