I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
