Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
