worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
And then he peed in my hair
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