so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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