Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
