We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
