Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
