Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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