I think I won the penis lottery.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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