so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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