brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
