I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
