like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
