the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
