I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
