I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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