he told me I talked like a deaf person
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
