I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
