bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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