I can tuck mytits in my pants
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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