The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
