Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
