dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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