I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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