with your own penis?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
