All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
