Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
